Life Gets In the Way

It's been a moment since I last updated this blog, but just had to come back to it. As I read my past entries, I realized how key writing this stuff down really is. The moments flutter away like the butterflies we raised from caterpillars this past spring and then, in the blink of an eye, they are gone.
After quitting a job with hours that exhausted me, I enrolled in Villanova's Master Certificate program in PM and began a new chapter in our life. Unexpectedly I got a job in my new field much quicker than I imagined and have been balancing 45-50 hour weeks (billable that is!) with completing my school work and raising these great kids of mine. = Little time to blog. But I wanted to capture some recent memories before they fly off and are gone forever.

• Ashton was outside the other day, looking for a spider to bite him so he could become Spiderman.
• Kate thinks that a red princess dress-up dress, pink fairy wings, a pink boa, sneakers and a t-shirt with a wand is the perfect ensemble to hold a video conference call with grandma.
• Our recently acquired cat's new official name, courtesy of Ashton, is "New Kitty Candy Cane Cupcake Christmas".
• Paul ran over a baby turtle the other day while mowing the lawn. Somehow, it survived the blades, and the kids really did think it could live in our empty sandbox and subsist off bananas. After careful reconsideration, we placed him back in the yard to go and "find his mommy and daddy".
• Ashton spent a great [GREAT] summer at a new daycamp. They focused on going outside 3 times a day, not a huge focus on academics, let the kids be kids, and he thrived. The kids all great him by name when he arrives and he even has a "girlfriend". I know this because he made her a bracelet at home, gave it to her in front of me, then denied it with a "Come on Mom! I don't want to talk about this!"
• We are struggling to get Ashton into school. Even though he got his 2nd and 1st choice in the Magnet lottery, though a technical glitch, he's going to his home school, the very scary Piney Grove. Paul is trying to work through it with one week left before school begins.
• The family across the street, Richard's family, moved due to a criminal neighbor invading their house. A week later, the criminals moved. Ashton has been heartbroken and will suddenly drift into silence with a sad look on his face exclaiming "I miss Richard Mommy." followed by a sigh. We try to get them together as much as possible, but Richard's parents each work a few jobs and their schedules are all over the place.
• Candy Cane cupcake eats when he's bored, according to Paul, and apparently the cat is b-o-r-e-d. It looks like he's swallowed a basketball and he sleeps on his back with his giant stomach stretched out like a stripped landscape.

We are planning a vacation soon, Ashton starts Kindergarten and Kate will have a pony birthday party for Kate. Look for more posts soon!

Carefully Laid Plans

Today, I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders as I register Ashton for our school system's magnet program lottery. For those who don't know, in Charlotte we have the option to send out kids to our neighborhood school or to enter a lottery for a chance to send them to various programs tailored to start them on specific tracks. My 1st choice is the Talent Development/Learning Immersion school down the street and the 2nd choice is a Padeia Academy. (Info on both - Padiea http://www.cms.k12.nc.us/cmsdepartments/ci/MagnetPrograms/MagnetThemes/Pages/PaideiaAcademy.aspx and TD/LI http://www.cms.k12.nc.us/cmsdepartments/ci/MagnetPrograms/MagnetThemes/Pages/LearningTalentDevelopment.aspx I'm not sure if these programs are "better", more structured, or just different. As I click the submit button to put my child's future into a bucket of chances I wonder, hope, and pray that I am doing what is best for him. What if he gets a lottery selection and it's too hard and he beats himself up all the time or too easy and he goofs off? Or what if he feels like I short changed him if he doesn't get in because the 1st day to register was today but I waited until the afternoon to do it? What if the kids are too rough on my rising kindergartner and he becomes rough to fit in? What happens when he leaves the safe confines of my home and kids his age to be around big bad 5th graders? He'll want to ride the bus and I will want to drive him. He'll miss his best friend Richard, who is not in a magnet program, and I'll feel guilty.
I feel myself wanting to cry as I type this because, while I'm gaining a kindergartner I'll be loosing my baby forever. It's been awhile since the roundness of his toddler face melted into the slim profile of a boy, but I do find myself still wanting to cradle him at times, swaddled in a blanket.
As he goes off to school, my first born and valuable treasure, I know that Paul and I will no longer be his only heroes. He'll be learning life lessons we won't/can't teach him and we can't fully protect him anymore. He'll go through the rough patches and the proud moments and I won't be there to help him or applaud him. People warned me raising a child would be a roller coaster ride of emotion. I still find myself caught unprepared as we ascend this hill with the slow click-clicks-click of anticipation.
I hope I am doing what is best for him by interfering and that the track I'm setting him out on brings out the best and happiness in him and to him. I can only wish that because I am doing this with love and care it will all work out for the best. I know that he will be so excited and happy on his first day of school and hope it stays that way as he crosses the stage and holds up his college diploma high.
What I do know is that he will grow to be a capable and fulfilled man and will find his place and happiness in the world. I just can't help but feel the weight of my little boy's future on my shoulders, knowing that the first step of his life's academic journey is still such an important one.
Don't get me started on Kate and how emotional I will be when she runs off to her 1st day of school and I am left alone!)