Super Parenting...and What the Rest of Us Are Doing.

On Here and Now with Robin Young this segment caught my attention: "Bad Parenting - Literary critic Steve Almond joins us to discuss a slew of new memoirs in a hot new genre that some are calling “Bad Parenting.” Authors discussed in the segment: Diana Joseph, Robert Wilder, Rebecca Woolf. Find Steve Almond’s essays in the books, “Blindsided by a Diaper” by Dana Bedford Hilmer and “The Book of Dads” by Ben George."

I find myself laughing, thinking and sympathizing with this segment. Fascinating is the subject matter to me, particularly the discussion on where today's culture of "Super Parenting" comes from. Steve Almond talks about how, 40 years ago, parents were surrounded by extended family and were given advice and help by the experienced. Now, in our culture of high achievers and distanced families, parents project this need to be the best and least vulnerable upon ourselves and hold each other to impossibly high standards that may be tearing the fabric of our communities apart.

I hope that, through my honest and direct blog postings and stories I share with everyone I am single handily helping to change this stigma. I hope that my parenting is portrayed as rocky, but filled with good intentions; clueless, but learning; and filled with many emotions, but ultimately cemented by love and humor. Honest and true, it is what it is, a wild and unexpected ride filled with stomach lurching turns and thrill filled descents and climbs. As crazy as it is I wouldn't trade this part of my life for all the money in the world. But I would like more calmer days and less chocolate on the carpet mornings! :)

Second Born - KER

Second Born Share: Here are my answers to a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about my second born! Let's see how much I remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? yes, we knew we wanted someone for Ashton to play with



2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? yes



3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Wow, that was fast. We only tried for a month! (Ashton & Kate are 22 months apart - we were going for more like 24-30 months)



4. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 24



5. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Pregnancy Test



6. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Paul, then Paul's mom this time



7. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Absolutely



8. DUE DATE? September 2 I think, Kate was two weeks late!



9. 9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, all the time for the 1st 4 months



10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Milkshakes and spicy food (Mexican, Thai, Cajun, etc)!



11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Morning sickness and maternity clothes and Kate coming two weeks late in the dog days of a hot NC summer!



12. WHAT WAS YOUR SECOND CHILD'S SEX? girl



13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?no



14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 20 on top of the 20 I still needed to loose from my first pregnancy.



15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?Yes, two



16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew



17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS? She was two weeks late. Also, when Kate came out she had her umbilical cord wrapped around her throat in what the doctor could only describe as a knot he'd never seen before. She almost was a stillborn baby. Thank God she came when she did!



18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Presbyterian Uptown in the same birthing center



19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 3 hours. Pushed for 5 minutes.



20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Paul



21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Paul, she came so fast there was no time for anyone to get there!



22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Natural



23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? yes, an epidural and I regret it



24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 8 lbs 4 oz



25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ? September 15



26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Katherine Elizabeth (Kate)

First Born - ADR

First Born Share: Here are my responses to a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about my first born! Let's see how much I remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? no, it was a wonderful surprise



2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? no, but we are now



3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Disbelief, nervous, excited



4. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 22



5. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Morning sickness climbing Crowder's Mountain



6. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Paul, then my mom



7. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Absolutely



8. DUE DATE? December 17 I think...



9. 9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, all the time for the 1st 5 months



10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Milkshakes



11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Morning sickness and maternity clothes



12. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? boy



13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?no



14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 40



15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?Yes, three



16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew



17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS? Preclampsia and weight gain



18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Presbyterian Uptown in the brand new birthing center (it was only 2 months old!)



19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 24



20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Paul



21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Paul and my mom



22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?Natural



23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? yes, an epidural and I regret it



24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 9 lbs 4 oz



25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ? December 2



26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Ashton Daniel

Mommy Tantrums Do Exist!

Yes, my children love to push my buttons. They must lay in bed at night, planning out their day with a special focus around random, naughty "To Do" lists. I mean, really, the things they pull off can't be spur of the moment. You don't just wake up one morning, wander downstairs and think "Hey, a 3 lbs Costco sized-bag of trail mix would look GREAT on the living room floor...organized by nut type of course! The last time I did it size didn't work out so well, as demonstrated when Mom yelled at me/put me in time out/bordered on the brink of CRAZY." That kind of debauchery would surely take some kind of planning right? That type of havoc just isn't spontaneous. I mean...really!?!?!

Since I've become a mother I swear my patience has more than tripled in capacity. But you'd never know it from the amount yelling and screaming that sometimes flows out of my mouth or all the tears of frustration that will just spring to my eyes. I found this article in the NYTimes and was happy to see I'm not alone. Check it out! I will say, after the fact I do smile and laugh, but I'll be the first to admit, in the moment I cry or yell...sometimes loudly.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/can-it-be-good-to-yell-at-your-kids/

Kate As Teacher, Feminist, Genius!

I am raising a feminist! I am so excited! Today when I asked Kate if her twins are "boy babies or girl babies" she looked at me and with a slightly surprised look and quite simply said, "They are babies". Well taught Kate, well taught! She reminded me of the best parts of my college years, my "Gender in Communication" classes. I am a huge proponent of Gender-neutral language, particularly in the environment of children. I try to frame Ashton & Kate's view of the world in ways that are not over simplifying. I want the world around them and their experiences to not be limited by their chromosones, but by what they value and are interested in.

If you are curious about Gender-Neutral Communication, check out Wiki's results here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_language_in_English

Ranting and Raving

Usually I don't rant in my blogs, but today is a new day. I just have to get this out and move on...

I HATE HATE HATE HATE it when mothers refer to a sibling as "Sissy". As in -

• We have to go pick up Sissy now.
• Don't hit Sissy.
• Give Sissy a kiss.
• Where is Sissy?

Not sure why, but it drives me up the wall, worse than nails on a chalkboard. It's more irritating than a tag on a shirt or an itch you can't scratch. To me it's as bad as a dent in a car door or a neighbor's dog pooping on my freshly mowed lawn.

I hate it, just hate it. Ok, I can move on now. ;)

Bad Economy = Time To Rethink "Wealth"

As the economy stumbles and slides, I've observed the stress levels of people all around me inch upward. As the overall financial health of this country is beyond my power (other than making sure I cast my ballot in Nov), I've decided to turn my eyes toward the things in my life I can control and the happiness I get from them. Here goes!

• Picking up Kate from preschool every day and the always getting a big hug and even bigger smile followed by "Mommy's here!" (as if we've been away from each other 4 months as opposed to 4 hours)


• Hearing Ashton always ask for seconds, not for himself, but to ensure Kate gets whatever it is he is getting


• Watching the leaves change on the trees and realizing how wonderful fall is in NC. I'm thankful that nature takes no notice of the NYSE!


• Buddy, the coolest cat of all time, is mine and always has time for me to pet him and cuddle with him.


• Having a good man for a husband. One that is patient, even keeled and a good father to our children.


• Meeting new and always interesting people in my job and seeing them insist on having fun, no matter what type of day they had


• Loving my neighbors and the fact that we all know each other by first name


• Listening to my niece's voice over the phone. (It's so adorable and tiny)


• Having both my mother and father alive and around for me, but also for my children to know their grandparents (Both of my grandfathers had passed away before I was born)


• Talking to my grandmothers, both of them, and realizing what huge impacts they've both had on my life and how lucky I am to have to help me parent my little ones


• Having a great mother-in-law that truly loves her grand kids and who's grand kids love her


• Thinking ahead to how this will be the first halloween both of the kids will really be into it and how much fun it's going to be to take my little red dragon and fair maiden princess out to trick-or-treat!


• While we have little left over, I am happy that both Paul and I have jobs and are able to pay all our bills each month and on time!


• Realizing that myself, my husband and my children are all healthy

I mean, really, happiness come not from what happens to you in life but how you react to it right? So, while my retirement savings circle the drain (remember, my background is in the financial industry) all I can do is look forward to working the rest of my life and raising kids that will do well enough to support me in my twilight years! ;)

I Hate Potty Trainning

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Birthday Wishes and Caviar Dreams...

Ok, my mother-in-law made the suggestion I write about Paul and I once in a while...so here's something about me! With my 27th birthday fast approaching, I ponder what a birthday should mean as I cross the threshold into my "late 20's". If you can get me any of the presents below, I would be eternally grateful!

Birthday Wishes:

1. To live in the moment with my children, aware of them and how wonderful and complex their personalities during each minute of the day.

2. More sleep, 7 hours a night would be wonderful. Ideally, at least one day a week where I can awaken naturally, instead of to the sound of Ashton kicking his door or Kate thumping me on the head.

3. I wish to learn to sew this winter. As a mother of young children, sewing seems like a great tool to stow in the "Mommy toolbox". I want to make a quilt before I am 30, knit a WEARABLE scarf before I am 29 and make homemade Angel/Devil costumes for Ashton, Kate and Angelique this year.

4. Improve my cooking and learn to bake! I want to learn to chop/slice/dice without band-aids being involved and bake confections that do not double as blunt objects.

5. Read more books. Have more dates with my husband. Drink more wine. Watch more movies on my AFI Top 100 of All time List. Go to the gym more. Take bubble baths. Practice yoga twice a week. Begin to study for the LSAT. Hang out with my friends.(More ME time I guess)

Mamaspeakin'

This is how I began my Friday:

"Kate honey, it's great you are sharing, but no...fish don't
eat M&M's."

You see, Ashton had some how climbed on top of our kitchen counter, reached up as high as physically possible to gain access to 3lbs. of M&M's I was keeping there for making cookies with. (This all while I was sleeping peacefully in my bed.)
Spiderman than carried the bag upstairs very quietly - he NEVER does anything quietly but somehow manged to do it when it counted- to his room. There he and Kate commenced on not only eating the contents of the bag but squirreled tons away all over his room so there would be more for later.
When I entered the room Kate was standing in front of the fish tank saying "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!" while dropping the candy-coated chocolate into the tank for her friends, Tetra and company to enjoy. She's so caring and considerate!
But hey, since it wasn't a poopy mess I was dealing with, all I could do was try not to laugh and race them around the room seeing who could eat the rest of the M&M's up quicker, two toddlers or a Dyson. Thank goodness the Dyson won!
Since the AC is broken today and I don't know what to do with two sugar filled children when it's 90* INSIDE the house, we are heading up to mom's for them to run it out of their system.

T G I F

Words of Wisdom

Don't focus on what you don't have, focus on what you do.

Amended 8.18.08 after watching Micheal Phelps, previously disgnosed with ADHD and as a "hyper kid" set Olympic history with 8 gold medals -

More to the point, I think, is the moral of her story, which offers hope for parents of any child with a challenge like A.D.H.D.: Too many adults looked at Ms. Phelps’s boy and saw what he couldn’t do. This week, the world will be tuned to the Beijing Olympics to see what he can do

Mamaspeakin'

The day I realized I was going to be a mother, I never dreamed things like the following would flow daily from my mouth like raindrops in a thunderstorm.

"Young Lady, we do NOT use peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to wipe
our bellies with."

Even more distant in my realization of what motherhood is really about...this was not the strangest part of my day today.

What Happens When Mommy Has a Tough Week?

I tell you what happens when a Mommy has a tough week...EVERYONE has a tough week. What's the old saying "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? Yes, chalk that one up to fact vs. fiction.